I was surprised when one of my friends told me
That I am very choosy and having the highest standards of all standards
I was really sadden by what he said because he didn’t know me at all,
For all I Know I am not like that…

So hear me out when I speak what is on my mind,
You may sometimes misinterpret me as Miss High and Mighty,
Unreachable, career-driven, intelligent and passive…
In a way you may see me as someone like that because I am silent and
I never talk to contest…
I dare not to speak because I for one know myself better than anybody else in this world
Deep inside me there lies simplicity
These are comments that I likely received because of my character
I was branded as the ‘silent girl’ who rarely talks
I never explained my side because I don’t care
But I’m telling you I am not like that
If you will approach me and try to engage me in a conversation
I will not ignore you unless you are with an incorrigible manner.

Yes, I know there are people who approach me
And I never know their true intentions for the reason that
The battle has not yet started but they quit…
They never dare to tell me
I am not adept in those read between the lines scheme…
Tell it to me upfront, it is more appreciated
I will be honest there are times that I am in a brink of falling
And I was holding on because I am afraid of failing…
I needed security and assurance
To let me feel how much I am valued as a person…
Life is a long journey, let us see who will be walking with me until the end of story…
For the record, who wants to be hurt once more?
Who wants to recapture the piece that was broken?
Yes, I am looking for someone’s quality
Fidelity, commitment, consistency of communication and responsibility…
I demanded those traits because I know when I loved
He will have my unwavering loyalty and commitment…

I never require someone to be perfect because I am not perfect
Fidelity is such a lonely word as the song goes
In life we sometimes need to be trustworthy
Even if you two are in million miles away…
Commitment is not an obligation but a matter of dedication…
I never demanded that I will be his world
I just need some of his time to let me know I am loved
Regularity of communication I guess is the right definition…
I know responsibility comes with maturity
Be mature enough for your action and be responsible for your life
If you can not take care of your own life, would you be able to care someone else’s life?

I believed we are beautifully created by God
And in God’s perfect time He will reveal what is in store for us
He is molding us into a wonderful creature
So that when the perfect time comes
We will have the most beautiful love story…

Will the rain ever stop?

The rain is pouring torentiously

Beating hard on my battered body

Hiding the storm in my eyes

Obscuring my painEach drop blasted on the soil

Damping and soothing its thirst

But, to me each droplet

Contributed to the puddle of mudLike the disarray

I feel insideI look up to the skyAnd see only endless smog

The hue of the sun smeared in gray

My dreams lost in pitchblack

Like the weeds drowning in the deep puddle

How long can I survive?

Frustration tugging relentlessly at my arms

Drowning in ill-fate

Will the rain in my life ever stop?

MERCY HAS DAWNED ON MY ONCE SELFISH SOUL,
FOR A BEDIMPLED WHO SNATCHED AWAY MY JOY.
I THOUGHT I WAS DEPRIVED, BUT, LOOK AT HER WHOSE BLISS WAS NEVER HERS,
SCANT OF THE SOLACE HER OWN BLOOD COULD GIVE.
I BASKED IN HE WARMTH WHILE SHE BEGGED FOR HER SHARE.
THEN, SHE STUMBLED UPON YOU, AND, FOUND HER STRENGTH
AGAIN, STARTED FEELING WHAT JOY WAS LIKE.
YOU CLOSED MY DOOR AND, RUSHED BACK TO HER, SENDING ME STRAIGHT TO MY GRAVE.
WHAT YOU HAVE DONE, I NOW UNDERSTAND.
MY BURDENS ARE, BUT, A SOFT TOUCH OF THE CURSE IN HER LIFE.
LIGHT HAS BESET MY HEART - SHE NEEDS YOU, WORSE THAN I
COULD POSSIBLY DO.

When the rest of the world is sleeping, I’m in the middle of sanctuary…
A dust clouded my eyes, blurring my vision…
I tread a pathway bending in both ends,
Uncertainty crippled me, unable me to maneuver,
I screamed for the sight that I behold…
Darkness engulfs me in the wilderness…
Tears roll down on my cheeks, I bathe with my own blood running…
I have recover my strength… recapture the pieces that was broken,
Mend the heart that was wounded; solve the puzzle that I was escaping in a maze…
I unload myself with anxiety and burden,
Come what may this are all the realm of possibilities…
I know this too shall pass…yeah…this too shall pass…
For every grace is bestowed in perfect weakness...

Still

I can still see his face
His warm smile still melts me
His eyes still tantalize me
His voice still sounds in my ear
Still I am overwhelmed by the wave of his hands
I am still thrilled by the way he looks at me
I am still stuck in every minute of the night
I am still spellbound and I am so happy
But far across this space and time
If fate permits
I hope this will turn into reality
But it’s a dream, still.

i was not really a fan of angelina jolie but i really admire her…i couldnt think of someone a celebrity at that who could stand in the midst of blazing sun in Africa…who could stand at the people with dirty torn clothes…with cut fingers or with bruises…
ive read a blog about " angelina jolie note from my travel " i was so moved by what ive read…there are few lines that struck me in the course of my readings…and i wanted it to share to those people who want to make a difference…
"i honestly want to help.i dont believe i’m different from other people. i think we all want justice and equality.we all want a chance for a life with meaning.all od us would like to believe that if we were in a bad situation someone would help us. "
" i dont understand why some things are talked about and others are not. "
" i wasnt sure i should go..im still not sure-and i know this may sound false to some - i thought of the peoplw who havw no choicw."
" i told one of the workers how i admired him for being able to work there everyday, all day long.he said, yes its hard work and its for the children so it feels good. "
" when they say each person can make a difference, i believe that is true."
" could you imagine if that was our everyday life ? could you imagine acknowledging every individual you pass smiling at one or another? showing respect to everyone ? the imabalnce of funding in the world makes no sense to me. "
" and yet with all the complaints, i have never felt so good in my life . i am tremendously honored to be with these people. i realize more everyday how fortunate i have been in my life . i hope i never forget and never complain again about anything but damn-my feet are itchy. earlier this morning i was complaining about my feet being itchy. this afternnon i met a man who lost his leg. he greeted me with a smile and was joking with his doctor, he found the energy to be gracious host to us visitors."
" there are so many cambodians over a certain age who will remember everything. i dont know how they live on, but they do with so much strength of will and power and spirit."
" it is a shame how for a time, i can easily shut out the world’s problem when i am safe at home ."
" they understand something about life that many of us ( thank god ) and they focus on many things we have forgotten,they know hopw to be grateful for, they appreciate the importance of family and community.they understand the poer of faith and love ."
" this message is on the board: if we all do a little, we can do a lot."
" i think this is the hardest thing to see, listen to them with their bruises, dirty torn clothes, cut fingers, as they smile at you,they are children, they still dream, they seem so full of hope, it breaks your heart."
" the mind wants to forget because it hurts and weigh so much on the heart and soul. "
i was really moved…" at the world needs is a genuine people with a good soul and a good heart."

In my solitude,

I’ve wished our ways were never destined to cross,
Such a coward heart that dares no battle,
Perhaps this magic will be unfathomable,
It will be sealed in pandoras box for the rest of my life,
Until such daunting heart bares his soul,
Risks and takes courage to unlock it with a key,
That will lift my spirit to eternity….

This is my favorite song...

I just dont know but I think...

I am just a hopeless romantic...

Standing Right Next to Me

Love is like the wind,

Sometimes it blows your way,

And until nowIt missed me somehow.
But when I turned aroundI saw you standing there.

The sound of your voice -I had no choice.
I used to have a wishOne day I’d feel like this.

Now I know love exists,

Cause it’s standing right next to me.

Beneath the moon tonightI see it in your eyes,

No more false starts, No more broken hearts.
I used to have a wish,

One day I’d feel like this.

Now I know love exists

Cause it’s standing right next to me.
Even in the dark,Even when you’re goneI feel you in my heart.
I used to have a wish...

One day I’d feel like this.

Now I know love existsCause it’s standing right next to me
Standing right next to me .

Emo 11-22-2008

Out of your league…
Sometimes I thought there’s no reason for me to stay
The place is too crowded
I stepped back for I know that it was not meant for me
I couldn’t push myself too hard
They could go on fooling just about anyone
But I’m no fool. I’m not dumb, not stupid.
I’ve grown tired of this game they used to play
I feel caged and it disgusts me
I am too drained out now, so in order to save myself
I’m thinking of better way out
Oh, yeah I told myself to hold on and wait a while longer,
Maybe things will turn out for the better
But I told myself count me out, my days are through
Count me out coz I’ve done my part but not more than enough
Count me out coz I’d rather save my dignity
I know they scorn me, they could mock me
But I need not explain to anyone
Because I found solace in my silence

Was it worth it?

Was it worth the the countless hours?
My mind still races and never stops asking.
Then I ask myself was it worth all those beautiful flowers?
Or was something in their color lacking?
Was it worth the time we spent together?
Or was I just replaceable, like old, brown, cheap leather
Did the days in the park mean anything, as the hot warm sun shined down upon my lover?
The numerous memories we had together, you blew away as if light as a feather.
And the fruitful dreams I had of YOU turned to nightmares cold and black
Because the pain I felt from you was worse than searing burns upon my back.
You showed no sorrow, for the heart you turned hallow, so I had no choice but to follow.
So I left my empty heart and tried to take another’s, like you had shown
But the sounds of tears from another heart did nothing to fill my own
Was it worth going through so many others, after my heart was shattered apart?
For the pain still remains in the bottom of my heart.

Adapted...

Sometimes, in our relentless efforts to find the
person we love, we fail to recognize and
appreciate the people who love us. We miss out
on so many
beautiful things and simply because we allow
ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish
concerns. Go for the man of deeds and not for the
man of
words, for you will find rewarding happiness not
with the man you love but the man whom loves you
more.

The best lovers are those who are capable of
loving from a distance, far enough to allow the
other person to grow, but never too far to feel the
love deep within your being. To let go of someone
doesn’t mean you have to stop loving, it only
means that you allow that person to find his own
happiness without expecting him to come back.
Letting go is not just setting the other person free
but it is also setting yourself free from all
bitterness, hatred, and anger that you keep in your
heart.

Do not let the bitterness rare away your strength
and weaken your faith, and never allow pain to
dishearten you, but rather let you grow with
wisdom in bearing it. You may found peace in just
loving someone from a distance not expecting
anything in return. But be careful, for this can
sustain life but can never give enough room for us
to grow. We can all survive with just beautiful
memories of the past but real peace and
happiness come only with open acceptance of
what reality is today.

There comes a time in our lives when we chance
upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just
find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that
person. This feeling soon becomes a part of our
everyday lives and eventually consumes our
thoughts and actions. The sad part of it is when we
begin to realize that this person feels nothing more
for us than just a friendship… don’t be so bitter
about it! For it is a kind of FRIENDSHIP that will
last for a LIFETIME!!! We start our desperate
attempt to get noticed and be closer but in the end
our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up
being sorry for ourselves.

You don’t have to forget someone you love. What
you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of
reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself.
Believe me, you would be better off giving that
dedication and love to someone more deserving.
Don’t let your heart run your life, be sensible, and
let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to
your feelings but to reason as well.

Always remember that if you lose someone today,
it means that someone better is coming tomorrow:
If you lose love that doesn’t mean that you failed in
love. Cry, if you have to, but make sure that the
tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that
the past has left with you.
Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back
to you.

And when it does, pray that it may be the love that
will stay and last a lifetime. “When I lost you, I was
the one who loved you most, but between us you
lost more. For someday I can love someone the
way that I loved you but you will never be loved
again the way that I did.”

Wishing and hoping

Everyday I stare at the lonely night,
Wishing and hoping
That my lost love will come back…

Every night I pray
Wishing him well and that he may stay…

I was lost and part of me died when you have left me.

Why 11-12-2008

Here I am again I am unsure of myself
I am wondering why these things happened
For awhile I thought I will be able to find contentment
But the road to serenity is difficult to grasp
Maybe I am too tight
Should I try to loosen up for the sake of others?
Trust is something that you could not gain in just a second
It is something that should be worked on and
Proved as time goes on…
At this point of my life
I begin to question
Where are you God?
I’m currently in need of a confidante and a trustworthy friend

Sometimes it is hard to find someone
Who has the same belief?
I don’t know
Perhaps that’s the irony of life
Or somehow a challenge too
That behind those imperfections
You will be able to find someone
Who will understand the inner you.

Why I should I care for other people
It is my life and I never ask for them to stay
Those who can’t accept me can easily turn their back on me
I will gladly appreciate it.

Sometimes...9-12-08

Sometimes it’s in your decision how you spill your life
If you not opted to choose the love that someone compromise
You are foregoing perhaps love or luck in your life.

Sometimes love can do a lot in your life
A hand to hold without uttering a word is enough
A genuine smile that can twist your world round.

Sometimes there is a lot of life’s countenance
You could even have the forbidden love that you want
But you will never have the love you desired.

Emo 6-4-2008

For the past few days I am feeling weird
I have asses my life for the past twenty six years and
Had thought if I have felt this kind of emotion
That I have been fighting for a long time.

You see I am not the type of girl who would easily believe
To whatever a guy would tell me
I needed some proof, not only for my eyes to see
But for my heart to feel.

I wonder what went wrong between us
Partly I know I have a fault to be blamed
Feigning and hiding,
But deep inside I am started falling.

I have kept my distance
I know in my silence you misunderstood me
I’ve been wandering,
Trying to figure out,
But you remain in silence.
And now I had fallen into trap,
You suddenly slip away,
Without saying a word for me,
Yeah, I know I will never have your love,
But I will never give up this fight, perhaps.

From memory 5-29-08

I have said my piece
I’m just sad
I know I will never have a fairytale story
I thought if someone really loves me
He will move mountain just to be with me
I slowly realized that I am in the real world
That people indeed feel pain,
Hate each other
Hurt each other
I was mortified by the thought
That all my life
I have lived in a fantasy world
I never thought of breaking and hurting
Maybe I am just naïve
Attempting and shedding myself from too much emotion
I guess I have a long way
Still optimism lightens up my spiritI will never give up this fight that I have embarked

Tell me...

Tell me if this is true,
When the eyes of me flash their lightning on you,
Dark clouds make stormy answer,
Is it then true that the dew drops fall from the night
And the morning light is glad…
Is it true that your love
Traveled alone through ages and worlds in search of someone to love…
That when you found me at last, utter peace and gentle speech
Hits you at last…
Is this true that the mystery of life and love is infinitely written…
Then tell me, if all this is true…

Will I ever?

Since the day you left I have been trying to assess myself,
will I ever be the same when you are gone?
will I ever smile alone in the midst of loneliness?
will I ever feel the happiness each time our gazes met?

I am trying to convince myself that
This feeling will vanish in just a span of time…
Been hurt before and it took time for me to move on
If I go through it once more
I’ll better spend my lifetime alone.

I don’t know what to think just for today
A slap on my face…
I couldn’t bear the pain
Of losing you
It was my fault I know I have thrown you away…
Now I know this is again the battle that I should win.
The time has come…I think this is enough…
I will move on with my life and feigned that I never felt pain…

Time passes by without you,
I don’t know will I ever survive these coming days
God I don’t know what to do…
The life I imagine without you…